Jobu's Hats for Bats

Chicken Beats Tigers

2010-05-09T14:15:00.000-07:00

Indians win today, beat Tigers. All because we use real chicken this time.

Unlike Anonymous, who too chicken to post with name. Is okay, Jobu still like fan mail, even from chickens.

Grab Booze. Start Praying.

2010-01-11T21:37:00.001-08:00

Time to grab bottle of rum. Spring training start soon. Then 2010 season. Shit. Time to start pray. Jobu need refill...

Indians Suck

2009-08-30T22:24:00.001-07:00

Indians not do so good lately. Hardly ever. US economy still shitty. Jobu looking at new career options. So far, favorite idea is porn. Yes, Jobu start porn career:

"Jobu's Bunts for Cunts"

If you hot babe and want to swing Jobu's bat, leave comment. Jobu always up for a good inner-view of potential hot woman.

No Waste Cigars!

2009-07-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

Jobu love good cigar. But Jobu against wasting good cigar. Shit, Jobu against wasting even bad cigar. This why Jobu not like Bill Clinton. Is good idea to slide cigar into lips for nice enjoyment. But Monica and Bill slip cigar into wrong lips. What shame and waste of good smoke!

Take Jobu for Ride

2009-06-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

Jobu been busy. Got new bike. Been riding, cruise for babes. Except tricycle only help Jobu find wrong kind of babes. Must be at least 18 to ride Jobu.

Kerry Out Order

2009-05-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

Indians had 3 run lead. Wood came in and game went to shit. BLEW THREE RUN LEAD IN NINTH!!! Kerry Wood is cunt, and is going on SHIT LIST.

Jobu need more blood pressure medicine or Jobu pop a fuckin' vein in head.

Jobu Have Plan

2009-05-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

Indians so shitty that Jobu think is good time to ask government for bailout money. Buy more hats for bats. Or more drinks to drown sorrows.

Cleveland Clowns

2009-05-05T22:43:00.001-07:00

Jobu has watched almost all Indians games this year. And Jobu get excited when Indians start winning streak (i.e., win one game before lose next hunnerd). But Indians have system where bats hot, pitchers cold. If pitchers hot, bats cold. Jobu already big fan of hats for bats. Might be time for hats pitchers, too.

If game last just five innings, Indians would be near undefeated. Always blow it in late innings. Jobu not understand why. Especially to Canadians.

Is time for Cliff Lee to come off Shit List. And time to add Whole Fuckin Team instead. Canadians, you stay put because.... well... yer Canadian.

B-U-T-full

2009-04-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

Jobu watch whole game. Have to shit since 6th inning. Indians able to squeeze out win. Now Jobu off to squeeze out little victory of his own.

The $62,000 Video

2009-04-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

Man went to Mexico and downloaded WALLE for some kid. Used cell phone network and was charged $62,000. Jobu not have cell phone and not understand technical shit. Not sure how he download whole movie over phone. Or why he download WALLE. Or why he even GO to Mexico in first place.

Photo of WALLE giving man the finger and saying: "Fuck You"
"Where WALLE's money at, bitch?"

Why not download good movie instead?

At least Indians win in movie.

Purrrrfect

2009-04-20T00:04:00.001-07:00

Jobu has been looking in blogosphere to see what other people write about. Cats, kids, and gardening very popular. Jobu has planted kids in backyard, but has not seen any sprouts yet. Maybe need more water? That is only garden Jobu have.

And Jobu not have pet. But Jobu want to be true member of blogosphere. So Jobu post photo of this:

Jobu not lady and not have cats. Please accept Jobu's finding of woman turned into cat as acceptable compromise.

Holy Shit

2009-04-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

Jobu cant believe Indians won today. And with score of 10-2 no less. Against YANKEES! On OPENING DAY! At BRAND NEW STADIUM!

Is good thing Jobu not wear pants during game. Jobu might have shit them. Jobu still have to clean up pile on floor though...

Canadian Achin'

2009-04-12T20:00:00.001-07:00

Jobu is happy today

Indians beat the Blue Jays

Tribe have better luck

and Jobu hate Canucks

So on Jobu's Shit List you stay.

Jobu Hate Canada

2009-04-11T13:43:00.001-07:00

Jobu still sad. Indians still not win single game yet. What worse is Indians lose to Toronto Blow Jobs. Canadians! How can baseball team lose to hockey team? Is very bad. Canada now on Jobu's shit list, too. Jobu think is time to change name of Cleveland ballpark from Progressive Field to Regressive Field.

If Indians keep losing, Jobu not have liver from all this drinking. Which remind Jobu... is time to get more rum: only good constant in Jobu's life.

Jobu do more drinking all week than all last year. Almost out of rum. Very bad.

Jobu Hate Texas

2009-04-08T20:25:00.001-07:00

Jobu no like Texas team

Watch game make Jobu want to scream

Why Tribe always lose?

Jobu need more booze

Tribe win is Jobu's biggest dream

Jump off a Cliff

2009-04-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

Jobu very sad. VERY sad. Indians lose to Rangers on opening day. Cliff Lee on Jobu's Shit List. Jobu watching you, Cliff. Your pitching VERY BAD.

Jobu not know how to cope, but Jobu try. With many bottles of rum.

Mints

2009-04-04T23:14:00.000-07:00

Jobu sometimes get bad breath from drinking rum and smoking cigars. So Jobu eat Icebreakers mints. Yum. Jobu like mints. Icebreakers come in neat case to eat alone or share with friends. Or beautiful babes.

But something seem wrong with mint case. Why share hole so small and self hole so big? If Jobu share mint with pretty girl, Jobu expect shared hole to be much bigger to accommodate Jobu.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2009-04-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

Is almost time for baseball season to start. Jobu think it time to get hair done nice for big opening day at Progressive Field. Except Jobu not sure what kind of haircut to get and need advice.

Right now, Jobu's hair look like this. Bushy (heh) and white. Maybe old way good enough.

Maybe Jobu need to color hair. Jobu like red. Lindsay Lohan trashy, but have nice hair.

Martha Stewart have nice professional haircut. Very clean and well kept. Maybe people take Jobu serious with more serious haircut?

Jobu already have wild hair. Maybe Jobu need gel to spike it up. Complete opposite of Martha Stewart. Hmmmm....

Jobu have good sense of humor. Maybe Jobu need to tap into funny side. Maybe haircut like Jay Leno work best. Jobu look good with salt and pepper hair.

Jobu hate American Idol. But Jobu is idol and American Idol make folks famous. Jobu like fame. Clay Aiken not even win American Idol and still famous! Jobu might need hair like Clay.

Jobu thought about retro 'do. What about Leonard Nimoy? Leonard have bitchin' sideburns which Jobu like. Jobu could rock sideburns. Yea!

Jobu also thought about going bald. Jobu love LOST and like Locke. Locke get shit done, not like pussy Jack. Locke real man with shaved head. Jobu real man, too. Maybe Jobu look good bald.

So, what you think? Help Jobu choose best haircut:

[] Vote Fro

[] Vote Ho

[] Vote Con

[] Vote Don

[] Vote Jay

[] Vote Gay

[] Vote Spock

[] Vote Locke

[] Other (Please specify):

The Smoke's Up

2009-03-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

Jobu love good cigars. Jobu smoke all the time. Sometimes, people give Jobu cigar for free and Jobu like (unless people Yankees fans. Jobu hate the Yankees). But there one man who Jobu not take cigar from:

Jobu not mention names because Jobu being watched. Evil eye scare Jobu. But Jobu recommend to not take wet cigar that smell like fish from man who is slick.

Black Talk

2009-03-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

Jobu not understand why black women behind him in movie theater mus talk during whole movie. Jobu have spare chicken, will share. Maybe shut women up?

American Idol

2009-03-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

Jobu has jus learned about American Idol. Is very bad. Jobu is idol and has been around long time before Simon Cowell. Jobu curse you, English man.